We were camping one summer / and lucy was in the east coast sky / shining with her diamonds / and I found you / a beetle / perched on the tip of my fingernail / your brown shell softening / in the summer heat / and each time you opened your wings / I sang out - Yay! / to celebrate / and the others gathered around me / as you opened and closed your wings with increasing intensity / we all chanted Yay! / until we were overcome with a sense of guilt / for holding you captive/ and ushered you / safely back into the grass

You returned that day to your beetle colony / if they have those / I’m guessing they have some kind of family unit, right? / You told them about us / how we sang / how we chanted Yay! / how you opened and closed your wings / and how enamoured / how you wanted to believe/ how you wanted to understand / some of the others doubted you / rolling their eyes/ tisking their mandibles / but others saw / the light in your eyes / and held fast / to your words

You erected monuments / sculpted from soil and dung / dug holes for other believers to gather / recorded all that you could / and as your short life span overtook you / you were laid to rest / in our honour Countless generations passed / your obelisks rose and fell / and your teachings created / great discourse / for what was the way of the Yay! / to the life of the beetle / scavenging /reproducing / dying / holding your wings outstretched / your descendants cast their eyes to the sky / awaiting the return / and yet others / were cloudy with doubt / loss of faith /righteous anger / and righteous grief / how could they return to the ground ? and beetle turned on beetle / hungry for power / belief unsatiated / they ate of one another’s flesh / prayed unceasingly / and felt the judgement awaiting them / and all they could do was say / Yay

That following summer / we went camping again / I was hammering the tent pegs into the ground / when I felt a squish / a soft pop / I looked under my foot and said / damn /I just killed a beetle

Elise Sadlier is a 24-year- old writer and artist from Tūranganui-a-Kiwa, of Ngāti Porou, Rongowhakaata, Paniora, and Pākehā descent. She holds a Bachelor of Fine Arts with Honours (2023) and recently earned a Diploma in Māori Language Fluency (2024) from Te Wānanga Takiura o Ngā Kura Kaupapa Māori o Aotearoa. Her writing has appeared in Starling, Pantograph Punch, Pūhia Rua, bad apple, and the NZPS 2023 collection white-hot heart and Whakahokia and Pūhia Toru.